Erectile Dysfunction is mostly portrayed as being exclusively related to a mans performance and therefore a mans problem. However, his partner may have a huge influence on the creation and perpetration of this problem.
It has to do with experiences of being sexually rejected by a wife or other partner in a long term relationship. According to energetic principles in tantra an electrical circuit is established when intercourse occurs. The penis has a positive charge and the female’s vagina has a negative one.
A women’s body stores emotions in the energy center (chakra) that flows through her genitals. If she is feeling resentment, reluctance or any number of negative emotions her electric charge will be reduced. Unresolved sexual issues including shame, abuse, and subconscious sexual repression reduces the charge as well.
When a healthy penis – one with a normal positive charge enters into the hostile environment on a regular basis it’s charge begins to diminish. The energy stored in the vagina is sending signals telling the penis to leave. Over time the penis goes in, ejaculates quickly and gets out (PS), or is unable to achieve an erection to even enter.
Adding fuel to fire occurs when the couple assumes that it is solely the fault of the man. This perpetuates of cycle of performance anxiety. The distress builds when the woman continues to express frustration and blame thus putting the onus on the man to get help.
A state of guilt, confusion, depression and low self-esteem further decreases vitality and the situation becomes an unmanageable one.
Based on my knowledge of the connection between emotions and the energetic body I am convinced that this interplay is at the root of PE and ED between couples whose former ability to have intercourse has subsided. Since the energetic body is ignored in Western medicine the scenario I’ve described is therefore a radical one. Nor has it been written about for the masses by energy scholars assuming that they are researching this phenomenon.
There are ways to address this, but if emotional conflicts are deeply embedded the expectation for a simple solution is unrealistic. However, possibilities do exist for the motivated and curious couple.
A couple immersed in this dynamic is often one where the communication has broken down and any attempts to broach the topic in a rational way without proper information quickly devolves into an unpleasant exchange.
Life coaching or psychotherapy for the woman
As I said, shame, unresolved sexual abuse, resentment and any other negative emotions associated with sex are stored in the vagina. These feelings have often been repressed and can be resolved with professional help. In a safe setting the female client may become aware that past and present conflicts exist and that they are interfering with the present.
Examination of the man’s past traumas
In my practice I have encountered situations where a man has had a traumatic sexual experience which has not be addressed. In this case the PE and/or ED shows up as a symptom of this conflict. It then becomes a matter of teasing apart all of the aspects and feelings related to the event before the body will be restored to its healthy state of being.
The role of fantasy
Another way to experiment with a cure is for a couple to take on different personas. In that way a psychological distance is placed between the usual identities, and conflicts which go along with them, with new personas. The new personas have no history aligned with them. They’ve had no prior interactions at all. This has proved to be a very valuable tool for erection issues.
Ending the relationship
One of the popular reasons for divorce is sexual frustration. The degree of the amount of frustration must be taken into consideration so that a clear mind can prevail. But first, it is necessary to get beyond the reluctance to end a relationship when it is so obvious that it has already completely ended. I believe that if any of the following occurs it is past the time for the relationship to physically end.
The danger zone begins if things progress to the point where a hostile environment becomes more widespread and any form of acting out surfaces. Some of the ways this can show up is in passive aggressive behaviors, outright verbal or physical abuse, living as roommates, the disappearance of physical affections, and going outside of the relationship in order to meet needs for connection.
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