CASE STUDY #1
Joe is in his mid-forties. He and his wife enjoy having sex on a frequent basis. But, he would like to be able to stay erect for a longer period of time. We discussed some exercises such as Kegals and the use of a cock-ring. He had already been doing such things. I decided to go down a road that has been quite effective for both PE and ED and explore the idea of role-playing. What we discovered – that Joe preferred to take on a submissive role when having sex, proved to be a possible solution that he and his wife would explore. Identifying with another persona helped him to focus on the role, By doing so, it took him out of the usual frame of mind and anxious preoccupations that he would usually have when sex would begin. He gained confidence by following my suggestions and proceeded to have new adventures with his wife.
List scenarios involving Submission/domination (in and out of the bedroom)
Observe everyday situations involving informal Submission/domination dynamics.
Have a conversation with your wife about a possible scenario
Practice new thrust and stop method discussed in our conversation during ercourse (remember to take deep breaths when stopping)
Practice new self-pleasure techniques discussed in our conversation; remember to coordinate breathing
The Client reported progress as follows:
Sexual positions –being on top, from behind, hands or feet tied – even oral sex is a sub/dom relationship when I get to control her orgasm or vice versa
Submission/domination dynamics – clear one of course is the boss/employee relationship but further to that is the doctor/patient relationship and this is what I have reflected on the most over the last week.
I spoke to my wife again but with a twist – I’ve asked her to watch me pleasure myself and talk to me…talk dirty to me essentially and this idea has kind of worked…she needs to improve on her “dirty talk” or I need to be more open and honest on what I want or need for her to say to me”
Paying Attention to Breathing
“I have been practicing the breathing and stop methods with some very significant success. The few times that my wife and I have had intercourse since we spoke I was able to last for extended periods of time which was great for my self-esteem.
CASE STUDY #2
Dan is in his late thirties and is single. Three years ago a long-term relationship of 5 years had ended. The first few years were intimate years spent cuddling while watching tv and enjoying a rapturous sex life. Something traumatic happened in the beginning of year four and a combination of a lack of communication and misunderstandings led to the demise of the relationship. Dan continued to harbor conflicting feelings when he came to see me. Compounding this sexual history was his return to the dating scene and having a particularly disturbing experience one evening. It was after that evening that his erections ceased.
It was obvious that the cause of this ED was not a physical one. He felt a sense of relief and gained a new perspective after I gave him my insights and conclusions during his first session. I’d concluded that he was in the midst of a spiritual disconnection. He had violated his body’s integrity and it needed to be restored. Using my model of conversation followed by gentle massage he woke up the next day with an erection.
I was very pleased to receive this email:
Elaine, I want to thank you for seeing me on Friday. Since then I have been looking and listening at life differently. Seems to be more calming then before. Also I am very happy to inform that this morning I woke up with my first erection in what seems for ever!!! Made me very happy. Looking forward to our next talk. Thank you.
Comments & Advice for Men:
“Something I believe in so strongly is the act of getting support. Getting support from caring and loving sources. It is remarkable just how lonely and debilitating it is, processing the realities of impotence. What men need to know and understand is what I learned and frankly am still learning – unless you want to remain stuck in the world of feeling badly about yourself, you MUST reach out and trust. Men who are already in a loving relationship with a caring partner have in this regard a great advantage. Presumably that partner will be there for them and process with them the oftentimes painful truths that impotence brings to light. It is men such as me not in any such loving relationship who need to be reminded of this. Men who find themselves twisting slowly in the breezes, with not a clue, and nowhere immediately to turn. It is these men who need great comfort, and these men who need to know that the worst thing that they can do is to do nothing. It is never easy and never over.
To those men reading this who might be embarking on a journey like mine, I’d like to say that there are no magical endings. There is much experimenting, much unknown to be explored, many turns along the way that will not be fulfilling. At its essence comes the willingness to commit to the process of healing and becoming whole.” Pete