My Holistic Sex Counseling practice is for anyone who would like to discuss any aspect of sexuality and/or relationships. It is about finally being able to have a conversation with a non-judgmental individual who has explored sexually as it relates to self-esteem and self-awareness – a sophisticated individual who has many life experiences and has learned to continuously move forward regardless of the severity of the past. When it comes to the complexities of sexuality, someone who specializes in sexual relationships may be more qualified than a traditional psychologist.
Traditional therapists are not always trained to discuss human sexuality and may turn an unusual sexual curiosity into a pathological condition. Similarly, most psychology majors are not required to take any courses in sexuality. Sex therapists are required to study a very limited amount about human sexuality. Thus, they are often naive about the wide repertoire of sexual appetites. When faced with an unusual sexual fantasy they may resort to labeling such as “pervert;” an insatiable libido becomes a “sex addict;” a woman with such an appetite is a “nymphomaniac.”
Keeping up with current trends in sexual problems, such as the correlation of erectile dysfunction and the compulsive viewing of pornography, are not on a traditional therapist’s continuing education mandate. Neither is the trendsetting sexual expression of Bondage, Domination, Submission and Masochism (BDSM). If you are going to help someone with sex you must have taken the time to tease apart the nuances of topics such as female versus male arousal, self-esteem, sexual energy movement, erectile dysfunction, fantasies, tantra concepts, cultural, and religious messages. Unless the therapist has personal and/or professional knowledge of the many forms of sexual appetites and personal experience with the many challenges of intimacy, he or she is not qualified to do anything but sit and listen in a passive manner. Many of my clients are seeing traditional therapists, but sex is excluded. This reinforces a fragmented self, and in many cases keeps shame and anger repressed.
Personally and professionally, my knowledge base is not limited to a particular sexual fantasy, dysfunction, compulsion, or the like. Although I have had many interesting and shameless experiences, I approach all concerns in a holistic manner as outlined in a Multi-dimensional Healing form of analysis. The role of any sex therapist is to honor your integrity and encourage you to take an honest and compassionate look at an issue which may be causing some disruption or stagnation in your life. Sex therapist can also educate you about the various resources which may help you to get unstuck. Sex education – female and male anatomy, erotic touch, the value of sex toys, etc. – are some of the areas open for discussion. Sexually stagnant relationships sometimes stem from a lack of variety and sometimes it takes a professional to provide ideas, information, and support.
There is typically a lot of awkwardness involved in revealing your most private self; however, I believe that my purpose in life, as well as in most approaches to therapy, is to support people as they attempt to be authentic. In our society, men are given carte blanche to explore sex without guilt and deep meaning. Women are raised with a different standard; that of the virgin vs. whore. It’s no wonder that their worlds’ collide. Women also experience a variety of changes in their bodies – beginning in adolescence and continuing on to childbirth. Thus, her relationship with her body is a more intimate one and it is in her best interest to honor that by using discretion about whom and when she wishes to share herself.
Conversely, women are sent strong cultural messages about how their bodies should look in order to be attractive and what types of sex acts they should enjoy. Therefore, to say that relationships are complicated is an understatement at best! Finally, we must add into the cauldron the cultural myth that there is only one way to have “normal” to have sex. I’m telling you, nothing could be further from the truth! Sex is a continuum. It is dynamic. Sexual appetites, just like any other appetites, can vary over time. When a couple can talk about new sexual interests and still feel secure in the relationship, they can add more richness to their lives – what is often needed is assistance in opening up these communication channels.
We all have a finite amount of energy. It’s important to maximize efforts to initiate change(s) which can help you to be your most authentic self. It is often very difficult to find out what that may look like. Holistic Sex Life Coaches and Sexologists can help guide you with a structured approach as you sort through your thoughts and questions. You shouldn’t expect to “be in therapy” for an unforeseen amount of time. Often, a single visit may be all you need to move forward with new insights and perspectives!
If you have a longer range goal, you and your coach can map out an appropriate time-frame in order for you to reach it. These strategies are most effective when tailored to your individual needs. It all begins with finding a clear understanding of who you are and where you want to be. Once you make fundamental changes in your personal foundation you are then more engaged with the process of living. And what is life? Is it a dormant object or is it a flow of energy? “Are you ready to be alive?” “Would you prefer the perception of safety at all costs?”
Life is energy, but the types of energies vary. There’s the energy of love and there’s the energy of fear. You get to choose which of these energies you want to bring into your reality and into your relationship.
“Shame cannot survive words.”
-Brene’ Brown, author of Daring Greatly